David Duchovny loves everyone!
and Mongolian cashmere.....
We break from riveting coverage of the Trump trial for another big story:
David Duchovny loves everyone!
OK, maybe not everyone, but certainly many, many people, and a surprising number of things. That much, after one listen to his newly-launched podcast, Fail Better, is clear.
Ya, I am being snarky. And really, that’s on me. Sarcasm is a difficult art form. It suggests that we can be shamed into better behavior. My mom was a master of this. I’d wear some clownish shirt to a family function and she’d just look at me and say, “You think that’s smart?” and then I’d go home and change.
So, please believe me when I say that I am not fully in control of my prose here, and, while I am a bit miffed with Duchovny and podcasting in general, I want to be clear about some things at the outset.
I’m a complete hypocrite. I am about to bash podcasts, but I listen to them every day.
Worse, I, briefly, had my own pod, so what I am about to criticize is as much about my bad behavior as it is about Duchovny’s.
OK, that’s not right either. It’s way more about Duchovny than it is about me.
But that’s because Duchovny is so much more than me.
7 Ways David Duchovny is Better than Me
1. David Duchovny is a great actor; I loved him in X-Files, Californication, and Aquarius.
2. David Duchovny is a better-looking guy than me and 99/% of humanity. Women (and I am guessing many men) love this guy.
Photo via forum, “Because David Duchovny is too handsome to ever be a REAL Outsider.”
There’s even a song, a plaintive moan of unrequited love, dedicated to him:
American Heathcliff, brooding and comely
David Duchovny, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
So smooth and so smart
He's abducted my heart
And I'm falling apart
3. David Duchovny is self-evidently more successful than me: star of TV and film, nominated for four Emmy Awards. hosted SNL twice; he’s even been a character on the Simpsons!
4. Duchovny is a better humanitarian than me. He supports environmentalism, is an enthusiast of electric vehicle technology, and provided the voice-over for a PSA radio campaign for Act Against Violence.
5. He’s recorded three legit rock albums:
Hell or Highwater (2015)
Every Third Thought (2018)
Gestureland (2021)
But is the music any good?
Hellya! Jim Farber of New York Daily News described Duchovny's singing as dripping with “dark charm.”
The Irish Times opined that “Gestureland is a melodic, well-produced set of stonewashed California rock and country.”
Cryptic Rock magazine praised Duchovny's Every Third Thought for its “stellar storytelling” and “wonderfully oozing heart and humble soul. Some men can do it all!”
6. He’s written novels:
Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale (2015)
Bucky F*cking Dent (2016—also a movie!)
Miss Subways (2018)
Truly Like Lightning (2021)
The Reservoir (2022)
Are his books any good?
Yes, they are! The Guardian thought that his first book, Holy Cow, was “quirky” and “funny.”
The Washington Post likened his Truly Like Lightning, to “a hefty, Tom Wolfe-style social novel that wrestles with big themes.”
The rest of his books have garnered similar praise.
No need to cite them. You get the point: The man can act, he can sing, and he can write.
7. I know that this sounds terrible, but I’m jealous of the fact that Duchovny has been treated for sexual addiction.
Full-frontal disclosure: I’d like to be sex-addict.
I am willing.
I just haven’t had any opportunities.
Image via U.K’s The Standard: Headline: “David Duchovny: The sex addict secret agent is newly single.”
To recap and condense the data into three broad themes (art, humanitarianism, and just sheer sexiness), I’ve created a chart.
Range: 76-100: Greek God; 0-50: human; negative numbers: subhuman
Please note: David Duchovny would have creatively fashioned a better, clearer chart.
And it would have been sexy.
So, in ways that are obvious to even my mom, who also never wrote a song about me, David Duchovny is just plain better than me in any-and-all ways. David Duchovny is also more empathetic than me. That’s what makes him a great actor.
And a wonderful podcaster!
In the May 28 episode of his legitimately addictive pod, Fail Better, he has a conversation with the brilliant and beautiful Sarah Silverman, and he notes, having read her autobiography, Bedwetter:
You know, I was very moved by how you started to tell jokes kind of as a depressed child. You know, I thought of that word shock, you know, and that you, you liked shocking people and that was funny. And I thought of a little depressed girl. And it's like you're trying to give yourself shock therapy in a way.
That insight startles Sarah: “That's so interesting. Yeah. I mean, I think I, yeah.”
Then she reflects:
When realizing that origin of like, being a comic that pedals in shock. It was like, my dad was one of those dads that taught me curse words when I was three. And then I'd say them and I would get this wild approval from adults despite themselves. and it, I made my arms itch with glee. And you get addicted to that, that kind of approval.
Duchovny is also introspective. And he is honest enough to admit to Sarah (and us) that he doesn’t like himself.
No, he’s not fishing for compliments.
We see a shockingly successful, handsome man.
He sees a bad friend and worse son.
Here is David telling Sarah about his friendship with the now-deceased Gary Shandling:
DAVID: Yeah. And, and to be with him was it, it was always worthwhile. But sometimes I just would feel like I needed to rest or whatever, or I just couldn't. And I… I couldn't, I couldn't escape feeling, you know, that I, that I had failed him in a way. I mean, not just in that, in that day, but kind of as, as, as a friend that didn't know. Because, you know, I mean, as, you know, like when Gary had a job, it was all about that, you know, he talked to you about the jokes or whatever. Like Yeah. If he was hosting the Emmys, it would be like six months of like yeah. Like super obsession with that job. And I would selfishly sometimes kind of pull back. 'cause I was like, I didn't wanna talk about the Emmy jokes or whatever, you know?
And then he discusses his mom:
DAVID: There are certain failures that like don't get wrapped up, you know, that don't get put away completely. They kind of resonate. And those, those are the tricky ones, you know, that, that live, that live within you. Like with my, my mom died about a year and a half ago and …
Well, she was 93 and well, … she had had dementia for quite a while. So it was, it was merciful by the end, you know, so, but you know, I … I… I could afford to take care of her, but I … I didn't have the fortitude to physically take care of her, you know, or to spend the amount of time, you know, when you think back of the amount of time that your, your parent gives you, you know, I… I… I didn't give back a… a fraction of, of that time. And I, instead, I… I… I paid for other people to do it, you know, and this is a, for me, a… a failure, you know, that lives within me that I can't square, you know, in a way.
He’s wracked with guilt, but Sarah tells him that he’s being too hard on himself:
SARAH: But can I say one thing? Even this is off the air, but your struggle with how you feel about your parents at the end, or failing them. You can maybe help yourself by thinking about how with your kids, you know, that they could never fail you. And that's how your parents probably felt. …
DAVID: That's so true. I… I… My kids could not fail me. They could not. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look at you. Thank you. Mic drop. Love talking to you. I appreciate it, and I… I will, I will dwell on it later. Thank you. I appreciate that.
SARAH: All right. I love you.
DAVID: I love you too, Sarah, and thank you for doing this.
He loves his mom; he loves his kids. Sarah Silverman loves him, and he loves Sarah Silverman. And they both love Garry Shandling.
End of story?
No, because in addition to all this sincere love, David wants to, apparently needs to, tell us that he loves:
European linen short-sleeve shirts and Mongolian cashmere sweaters!
Tutorial programs for kids!
Learning new languages!
He’s also passionate about…
LINKEDIN JOBS!
And how does David pay for all his Euro-silks and Mongolian cashmere, his children’s tutorials, his Rosetta Stoning and Linkedin-linking?
Why, through his Discovery Card (limitations apply):
But wait, David also tells us we all need “something that pushes you to live up to your potential…”
Something like… a new Lexus!
“The all new Lexus GX has an exceptional capability that will have you seeing possibilities you never knew existed.”
Does David actually love these products? I’ll say yes. He’s obviously successful enough to push back on endorsing a product that doesn’t conform to his ethics. For example, I am informed, via Wikipedia, that he’s a pescatarian. So, we can assume that he’s not going to pod-shill Omaha Steaks.
I’ll do it for him.
Omaha Steaks! ’Cause nothing grills on the barbecue quite like vacuum-sealed, mail-order meat!
But wait a second!
Why shouldn’t his pod have advertisements?
It’s a business, right?
I agree totally; I really do!
But here is the thing: We’re not breaking from the pod to some canned commercial.
David is doing the shilling himself.
And that is a problem (at least for me).
Why?
Because, incontrovertibly, his pod, like so many out there, is based on a cult of personality and connection.
I seek out a podcast because I feel that the host and I have similar interests. I press “follow” because I think that we’re in someway connected.
No, not lost brothers or anything insane like that!— but loosely allied, somehow part of an extended, friendly tribe.
But when I hear various podcasters peddling vitamins, ready-made-meals, warm socks, online degrees, and zinc concentrates that promise to restore my hair and sexual potency, I confront a harsh truth.
I haven’t been befriended.
I’ve been beguiled, hoodwinked, had.
If this were a podcast, we’d now cut to commercial.
I’m borrowing one from M.J. Dorian’s first-rate podcast, Creative Codex.
(This is really funny!)
“Limb-Ex Plus!”
Creative Codex, by the way, is a personal favorite of mine. It makes me smarter… and taller.
And we’re back!
So, I listen to podcasts for free, yet I complain that the podcasters are offsetting their costs without charging me.
Am I just being a jackass?
Lord, I hope so!
That way, I could continue to admire these legitimately interesting artists.
But even if I am a jackass, I’m a jackass with an argument.
As explained by Charles Duhigg, Atlantic essayist and author of the bestselling Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, our most effective form of communication depends on establishing authenticity. Why? Well, he speculates that when we were living in caves, the most important task was to protect members of the tribe. Legitimate, immediate danger, he continues, had to be communicated quickly; there was simply no time for debate and second-guessing.
So we developed ways of filtering for truth.
We still use them.
Sometimes, it’s a tone of voice; sometimes, it’s eye-contact; sometimes, it’s body language.
Now to connect the dots. Keep in mind, these are Duhigg’s words, not mine:
“Basically, we can detect inauthenticity really, really well. That's why it's hard to be a great actor. There's any number of millions that have tried it [acting], but it's not memorizing the words. We are the best lie detectors on planet Earth. We can see bullshit.
Self-evidently, an actor may be a genuinely nice person, but, if he’s good at his job, he’s also ingenuine, a master bullshitter.
And that’s what makes Duchovny so potentially dangerous. Normally, we would be able, with relative ease and certainty, to detect falsehood. But Duchovny is a great actor. And, therefore, we’re unsure what is real and what is feigned.
When Duchovny says that he loves Gary Shandling, we believe him; they were friends for decades; when he says that he loves Sarah Silverman, we believe him. After all, who doesn’t love Sarah Silverman?! When he says he loves his kids, we believe him. When he says that he feels guilty about his mom, we believe him.
We pick up on his sincerity and vulnerability; we’re softened by it; we empathize… and then, when we are most open, most receptive, most empathetic, most attuned, most engaged, he sells us a Mongolian sweater.
And Duchovny is by no means unique. A slew of actors are now podcasting: the aforementioned Sarah Silverman, Jason Alexander, Marc Maron, Brooke Shields, Dana Carvey, David Spade, Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, Jada Pinkett Smith, Kate Hudson, Anna Faris, Kerry Washington, among others. Still, more perniciously, these celebs often interview each other (as in the aforementioned case of Silverman and Duchovny); essentially, we are doubly vulnerable to their sale-pitch poddings.
All of these actors are monetizing their celebrity. But let’s just go nuclear.
Paul Giamatti hosts a podcast.
That man could sell ice cream to the Eskimos and Mongolian sweaters to sweltering Angelenos.
Which has me wondering, David, do you love that sweater, or did Paul Giamatti tell you how comfy and confident he feels when wearing one?
P.S. Commercials aside, I subscribe to Duchovny’s pod Fail Better. It’s great. I also listen to Sarah Silverman’s, Marc Maron’s, Jason Alexander’s, and yes, Paul Giamatti’s podcasts, as well as J.M. Dorian’s brilliant Creative Codex! I also have a Discovery credit card and I love it soooooo much; it’s always there for me. It’s helped me deal with the childhood trauma of my best friend dying in a car accident. It happened on my mother’s birthday, just after my parents divorced, my bicycle was stolen, and my dog ran away. I’ve been carrying that burden for years. But you know what isn’t a burden? Discovery credit card. Discovery credit card offers me points back that make my online therapy sessions affordable. If you get one, maybe you’ll love discovering what Discover can discover for you. Subject to limitations.
Thank you for not bothering to read Don’t Bother Reading. Don’t Bother Reading is brought to you by No One Important, INC, stock symbol NOINC. It is headquartered in the state of Stupefaction and donates liberally to charities containing the phrase “flammable pumpkin pie.”
I really wish there was a way to repost this chart because it's hilarious and brilliant. Duchovny is great -- his character in Californication still sticks with me after all these years. And now I have to buy his first book because a "dairy tale" -- I mean, come on, hilarious.
I've gotta admit -- after reading your post about David Duchovny -- and then reading his Wikipedia page -- there's a lot to be jealous about there. (However, DD's sex addiction is decidedly NOT a thing to be jealous of.) It's sad that his marriage to the gorgeous & talented Téa Leoni didn't work out. All things considered, though -- isn't there a somewhat younger celebrity/wunderkind to be envious of? (Full disclosure: I'm one year older than Duchovny is.)